I think I miss being alone ,
in my own world .
I guess ,
when I was still that nerdo looser
in the older days ,
I didn't have much to lose .
I was happy .
Actually happy .
The kind where it hurts cause I'm
just too happy to give a shit .
And I didn't have much then .
Now .
I have more .
I have what I want .
But I feel so empty inside .
I don't feel happy .
I'm destroying myself .
Self - mutilation ,
Booze ,
Cigarette ,
Starvation .
Sometimes I don't even know what I do to myself .
I stay awake at night ,
thinking of everything that went wrong .
I used to have a close friend .
A guy I trusted in .
He was unlike any of my other friends .
You know .
the kind of friend who's just THAT special
to you alone .
Then something went wrong .
Between the calls and smses and songs ,
something just changed .
And he left without saying goodbye .
Without any idea of how much I'd learnt from him .
I still see him now and then .
But it's just different .
I miss him .
But he doesn't have any idea .