I must admit I have been very slack .
Not only for school , but for band .
I've been missing jams ,
I'm not practising my songs ,
I'm not practising my growls .
All the things you'd be expecting me to do because I'm practically doing nothing .
Instead , all I do now is to stare morosely at my textbook or notebook .
I don't pick up my guitar to play a few riffs or stuff ,
I'm not eating well ,
I'm sleeping irregularly ,
I'm been overly dramatic or eerily silent .
I don't know what is wrong with me .
It occured to khai that I could probably have dsythymia ,
but it's highly impossible .
Or is it ?
My poor bandmate has been extremely concerned for me .
He thinks I'm a danger to myself , he's never left my side until he really thought that I was fine .
I really appreciate his presence .
He's been there through all my highs and lows .
I've puked on him when I was too drunk , but he was always there when I passed out .
I've punched him when I was drunk and looking at him reminded me of a certain heartbreaker , but he'd just let my blows rain on him .
I know it's mostly because I punch horribly and I know it doesn't hurt him that much , but I know he doesn't direct me to the punching bag because he doesn't want me to hurt myself any more.
He was there when I slashed , and coaxed me into giving him the blade I was holding on to .
And I know many people might read this and think ,
" HELL , what a desperate , screwed - up girl she is . She needs help . Why is this guy even with her and helping her , man ? "