Standing Here
My entire world far beneath
my feet, I should be filled
with pride. Instead, I feel
overwhelmed by a sense of defeat.
Suddenly it comes to me,
toes tempted to test thhe ledge,
that there is a way out of this.
Calm surety flows through
my veins, and as I turn to wave
good-bye, I wonder if it will
hurt or if a single person
will cry at my funeral.
I take a deep breath, a final
taste of sweet mountain air.
I conjure Leona, Emily.
Move my feet closer. Closer.
There's Grandma One, Grandma
Two, and their spouses, waiting
for me. I see Dad. Cara. Mommy.
I screw up my courage, step over...
- Conner in "Impulse" by Ellen Hopkins
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to kill yourself.
To be free of your misery.
To swallow one more pill,
to cut a little deeper,
to put the gun to your chest,
to attempt to fly.
I wonder,
what it would be like,
to finally experience peace,
to be happy for once.